Who Is Autistic Widower?

A little bit more about me

Today

I’m a widowed parent who lives alone in Northern England with my two children. (I’m also engaged — it’s a long story.)

I write on Medium and Blogspot as often as I can. I like sharing my life story with anyone who will listen. And maybe, just maybe, I might make enough money to get by.

The beach and sea at broadhaven. The sun is reflecting off the water on the left side of the image. The sky is blue with a little bit of white cloud.
Broadhaven, Wales — my last family holiday with my late wife in 2011. Photo taken by the author.

My Wife and Children

I was in my twenties before I had my first relationship. But it was worth the wait — we were just right for each other.

My wife’s love and friendship made such a difference to my life. She was also my best friend.

In 2010, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, which was truly devastating.

She died three years later, at just 45 years old.

Life without her has been very hard.

I’m so glad we had children together, but it’s also heartbreaking that they lost their mum when they were just 7 and 8.

Work

After leaving college at the age of 18, I spent 26 years doing electronic design and software development. When my wife’s health deteriorated in 2012, I quit my full-time job to look after her and our children.

After taking such a long break, I no longer feel able to go back to that kind of high-pressure work.

Part of the reason is that I feel out of touch.

But it’s more than that: I’m not sure that I have the energy to go back — I feel burned out. And maybe I want to head in a new direction.

Autism and ADHD

In 2017, a few years after losing my wife, I was assessed and told that I have an Autism Spectrum Condition. I was 48 years old at the time.

(I prefer to say I’m autistic, rather than saying that I have autism.)

A few years later, I self-diagnosed ADHD, and hope to get a formal diagnosis eventually.

I struggled all the way through primary school, high school, college and work, without realising that things shouldn’t have been so difficult.

I knew I felt different, but I didn’t know why. (And I had no support.)

* * * * *

Find Out More

Many of my articles describe my life experiences.

My Articles, Grouped by Topic is an attempt to organise them.

* * * * *

Thank You

I’m grateful for all the support and encouragement I receive from readers. It really means a lot to me. For more ways to support me, please see this page.

More external links are listed on Linktree:
linktr.ee/AutisticWidower

* * * * *

This article may be updated from time to time.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why I Left the Autism Support Group

Image
It started off fairly well, but I had to leave in the end My “biscuit emoji” to represent how I felt towards the end. Photo taken by author. Late last year, I started attending a local support group for autistic adults. In a previous blog post , I wrote about my first few weeks there. Back then, I had high hopes — but things did not go very well in the end.  I wanted to share my closing experience, without putting you off trying a group in your local area — which has every chance of having a better outcome than what I experienced. The Beginning of the End At the start of the year, I had a series of ‘bad weeks’ at the group, which made me decide that it wasn’t for me. I stopped going some time around February, and I now feel ready to describe what happened. Almost Alone In early January, I found myself at a table with someone who did not speak. Everyone else was sitting at other tables, and I felt like it would be rude of me to move. It was an awkward situation, and I felt very alon...
Read more

Back to School Stress

Image
Worrying about the risks of COVID-19 vs my children’s education Image created by the author. Next week, my children will return to school, as the UK begins the process of easing out of national lockdown. I am sure this will be good for their education, but I can’t help but feel a little bit uneasy about the risks. I am 52 years old, autistic and also a widowed parent. One of my children has type 1 diabetes, and I am effectively his carer. If I were to catch COVID-19, there is nobody else here to take care of my children. And there is no ex-partner who could help. However, my doctor says that I will not be given higher priority for the vaccine. So I will just have to hope that my children do not bring it home with them. After isolating for so long, I am now effectively being forced to take risks. I know a few people who are younger (who live with partners), who have already had the vaccine, because they have children who are autistic. (I believe one of my children may be autistic, but h...
Read more

Attending an Informal Meet-Up Group for Autistic Adults — My First Weeks

Image
It took a lot of courage, but it was an interesting experience Many months ago, I found myself wondering what it might be like to meet up with a group of autistic people. I wondered how successful it could be, given that the members would be people who tend to find social situations difficult. And would it be enough, to have nothing but autism in common? Back then, searching online revealed one or two groups within my area, but they all seemed to meet up in the evenings. As a widowed parent with very little support, that meant I couldn’t easily go, because my children were too young to be left alone. So given that I had some doubts, it didn’t seem worth the effort of trying to arrange childcare. Recently, I started realising that my situation has changed, because my children are old enough to be left alone for an hour or two. So I found a group that meets up every week in a small cafe, and went to see what it was all about. (It’s been a while since I’ve put myself outside of my com...
Read more