Autistic and ADHD Without Knowing: The Primary School Years
Life as a child in the 1970s, with no support for autism and ADHD
[For people who are not familiar with the UK school system, primary school covers ages 4–11.]
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| Some of the books and school projects from my childhood. Photo taken by the author. |
My memories of childhood and primary school have always been somewhat hazy. It's now around 40 years since those days, so please forgive me if my jumbled thoughts are not very well organised.
(When I found one or two classmates on Facebook several years ago, I was amazed by how much detail they remembered about school, compared to me.)
At Home
I never went to any kind of nursery / kindergarten, and had little contact with other children before I started school. My mum didn't work, and we seemed to be at home for much of the time.
(My dad worked 5 1/2 days a week, so I only saw him in the evenings and at weekends.)
As the youngest of three, I tended to play games with my sisters quite often. Sometimes they would go out in the evenings; it must have been difficult for them to get ready, with me demanding attention.
At home, I was in a world of my own. I remember being fascinated by things like ornaments my parents had bought at the seaside, which would often feature a small snow globe, with a disc of material that changed colour according to weather conditions.
I was quiet when in unfamiliar places and around strangers — but often noisy and outgoing in situations where I felt comfortable. I remember going around the house with a cassette recorder, interviewing my family and reporting on what they were doing, like I was making a documentary.
Unusual things would affect me, which must have been confusing for my parents, who were relatively old when I was born. I would scream during bath time as a young child, because there was a twin light fitting with only one bulb, and looking into the unlit part terrified me. My parents eventually bought a tiny low-powered bulb to put in the other part of the light fitting, which solved the problem.
I could not sleep in a dark room for years, and was perhaps 16 years old before I finally did so. (As an adult, light keeps me awake, rather than helping me to sleep.)
Electrical Interests
I was especially interested in anything electrical, and loved to dismantle things. My dad's work colleagues gave him appliances and gadgets, such as old radios, record players and hair dryers, to pass on to me. There was always something for me to experiment with, and my parents were very tolerant!
I enjoyed helping out around the house, mainly if it involved anything that used electricity. Household laundry equipment was fairly basic in those days — the appliances had to be dragged out into the middle of the kitchen, and filled manually using a pipe. What must have been a tedious chore for my mum, seemed exciting to me as a child.
It sounds far-fetched now, but from an early age, if there was anything technical that needed doing at home, I seemed to be the one who ended up doing it.
In some ways, I was a late developer. But at the same time, in other ways, I was older than my years, and could be quite sensible and safety-conscious. When my uncle was repairing our washing machine, I went and unplugged it without saying anything. He was a little annoyed about that, when he was trying to test it later!
I remember making a mains extension cable for my gran, when I was probably 5 or 6 years old. To ensure that it was wired correctly, I first tested each connection using a torch bulb and battery.
Music
My sister had guitar lessons, and managed to teach me one song. However, I always felt a little jealous that I was never given any kind of music lessons. There was also a small piano which was from before my time. I remember it being sold when I was very young, and I desperately wanted to play it.
Even though I never got to play that piano, I did have a small reed organ which I enjoyed playing. I managed to memorise a few songs, but never learned to read music. I would also play the guitar and sing, without feeling at all embarrassed or self-conscious about how bad it sounded, as long as there was nobody there who made me feel uncomfortable.
I loved playing records that belonged to my two older sisters, and felt a very strong emotional connection to vocal harmonies and chords. Sadly, it was years before I had any records of my own. I've listed some of the records in the very last section.
First Day of School
Stressful experiences tend to stick in my memory, which is sometimes useful, because I do remember a little bit about my first day of school.
My school did a staggered intake, and the rest of the class started before me. Whether it was weeks or months, I don't know. But I do remember feeling at a disadvantage for having to catch up.
On my first day, I stood at the front of the class, and the teacher asked who was going to look after me and show me around. A few hands went up, and the teacher picked a boy called Simon.
I sat next to Simon, and tried to get used to the daily routines. I found it very difficult to remember the layout of the school, the location of the rooms, and everyone's names.
I remember sitting cross-legged on the floor, listening to the teacher reading stories. I always seemed to struggle to follow the plot, and was terrified that they might ask me questions which I wouldn't be able to answer — so I got very little enjoyment out of the stories.
Milk
In the early years, milk was delivered to the school every morning. We would be sent to an area that resembled a loading bay, where we would stand and drink the milk out of small glass bottles using drinking straws.
Even though I didn't really drink milk in later years, I did like the taste at the time.
Unfortunately, it felt like we were made to hurry — as though we had to drink it as fast as possible. That meant it wasn't as relaxing or enjoyable as it should have been.
Initial Teaching Alphabet
My school used the Initial Teaching Alphabet (ITA). I think that was a significant factor in making it harder for me to learn to read and write. First we had to learn ITA. Then we had to unlearn that, and learn the real alphabet instead.
The Red Block
We seemed to spend a fair amount of time playing. There were coloured wooden blocks which I used to like, but there was only one red one.
Simon would never let me play with the red block. Perhaps that was partly because he was an only child, and not used to sharing. Eventually, I decided to tell a teacher.
The build-up to speaking to a teacher about Simon made me feel very nervous. It took days for me to do it, and my heart was pounding in my chest. But it all seemed to have been for nothing, when I was simply told to ignore him and not worry.
I was a little confused when the teacher tapped his head and said, 'You've got more up here than he'll ever have.'
(At the time, I wasn't particularly aware that Simon was different to the other children. But years later, around the second year of high school, Simon would be moved out of mainstream school, and I would never see him again.)
I never did get to play with that red block though.
Comprehension
English Comprehension was one of the hardest things for me. I found it incredibly difficult to read a few paragraphs, then answer questions about what I'd read.
Throughout my school years, I used to feel like I'd missed a number of lessons — there seemed so much that I didn't understand. To make matters worse, I would find myself worrying about the fact that I didn't understand, which caused me to miss even more of what they were saying.
I remember them ranking the pupils according to test results. At one point, I was second to last, which did nothing for my self-esteem.
Lunch Time
Unlike virtually all the other children — including Simon — I always went home at lunch time. So I never got the chance to explore the site, or attempt to socialise with other children. Looking back, I wonder if my mother sensed that there was something different about me, and knew that I would find it easier to be at home for meals. (I don't think either of my sisters had gone home at lunch time.)
Another factor might be that I was a picky eater. I remember going through various phases, such as eating slices of bread dipped in tomato ketchup, or salmon paste sandwiches, which had to be cut into very small triangles!
Lazy Eye
One of my eyes has always been stronger than the other one.
For a while, the eye hospital tried to make my brain make more use of my 'lazy eye' by putting a patch over my stronger eye. The trouble was, I couldn't see very well with just the lazy eye, which made it even harder for me to find my way around the school, and to read.
I used to have recurring nightmares about being lost, and unable to see clearly enough to find my way. I am sure the nightmares were caused by that experience.
Break Times
At break times, I would stand around with Simon, often looking down at the playground, with all the different surfaces. I remember places where chewing gum had been squished into the tarmac, and concrete drainage channels where you could roll marbles. We would also play tick (known as tag to some people), but we did not tend to interact very much with other classmates.
On one occasion, I remember getting mixed up about the time of day, and going home at break time. I was so worried that I would get into trouble, and managed to sneak back onto the site. I don't know what I thought they were going to do to me, but the fear of being told off is something that stayed with me throughout school, and even my college and work years to some extent.
The back garden of my home was near the school playing field, but we were not allowed on the field unless we were doing PE. In the summer, my mum brought drinks to the fence and we would sneak off the playground to get them. Once or twice, a teacher would notice and tell us off. Being shouted at didn't seem quite as bad when there was a group of us.
Self Awareness
When I was very young, I never thought about how other people perceived me. But after being at school for perhaps a couple of years, something happened to change that.
A girl came up to me and said, 'Run over there.'
When I complied by running across the room, she laughed.
To this day, I don't know if she laughed because of the way I ran, or because I did as she asked, without question.
Art and Craft
In art and craft lessons, despite having little talent for it, I loved all the colours and textures of the different materials. There were boxes of assorted crayons and gummed squares of coloured paper, in a larger quantity than I'd ever seen before. In particular, some deep red coloured paper really caught my attention, and I wished I could have taken some home.
Even though we were often doing fairly simple things, like placing paper on top of a tray containing water and paint, to make patterns, it often seemed very exciting to me.
I remember us being given blocks of wood covered with lino, and told to design and cut out patterns, which we could later use with ink rollers, to stamp out images. But the health and safety talk spoiled it, and made my blood run cold, because the teacher described how badly we could injure ourselves if we weren't careful.
PE
Any kind of sports lessons were always my least favourite. I didn't know the rules for any of the games, and found it difficult to understand and remember them. I often misunderstood, and got hung up on minor details of the rules.
My hand-eye coordination was not very good either. That meant that nobody wanted me on their team, which was embarrassing and hurtful.
Despite such problems in PE lessons, I didn't do too badly out of school, throwing and catching balls, and riding my bike. The way the school environment made me feel seemed to inhibit, rather than help to develop, any skills that I might have had.
Friendships In and Out of School
Although I didn't realise it at the time, we were a relatively poor family. We didn't have a car, but we made the most of what we did have.
A couple of boys who lived on my road were a year or two younger than me. We would ride our bikes together, hang around, and go to the local shops for sweets and drinks. I sometimes felt uneasy about how to handle situations when we had different opinions about what to do, but apart from one or two incidents with an older boy who was a bully, it was mostly good.
Our small back garden had a swing and a sandpit, and there were a couple of rabbits that my mum and sister looked after. In the summertime, furniture and toys from inside the house gradually found their way into the back garden. Perhaps that's why other children tended to come and play there.
I remember setting fire to things such as straw in the garden, using a magnifying glass! (That was probably during the hot summer of 1976. Perhaps seeing my dad using an incinerator made such things seem normal, but I wouldn't be happy if my children started doing that today!)
Because the school playing field was on the other side of my back garden fence, we would occasionally climb over and play there out of school hours.
Despite spending a lot of time with the boys from my road, back then I never realised that other people would have called them friends. Although we attended the same school, I never seemed to see them there. It was like they didn't want to be seen with me.
In school, Simon was the closest thing I had to a friend. He wasn't popular with the other children though. I don't know what conditions he had that made him different, but the other children were cruel to him, and would tease him mercilessly. My loyalty to him may have played a part in making it harder for me to find new friends.
Silver Jubilee
The 1977 Silver Jubilee sticks in my mind. I remember being excited about preparing for the street parties, by writing our house number on the bottom of my favourite chair, putting up bunting and drawing flags.
One party was at the local community centre. The boys from my road completely ignored me, and played with another boy instead, which upset me.
Even at the time, I was aware that the other boy had a 'cool' haircut and fashionable clothes. (My parents were older, and didn't seem very aware of the importance of such things.)
I felt very alone, with everyone running around, while I was sitting on my own, with a combination of loud music and my own confused thoughts in my head.
Birthday Parties
I remember going to Simon's birthday party, possibly his 9th or 10th. The main thing I remember is standing in the kitchen and being handed a piece of cake, wrapped in a paper napkin. I didn't like the feel of it, being so sticky and messy.
At another birthday party, the whole class had been invited. I remember it feeling quite chaotic; I didn't really know what to do. Music was playing, but I was more interested in looking at the record player.
People went out of the front door, down the side driveway, and in through the back door. I tried to follow the crowd, but never felt part of it.
My own 10th birthday party was not something I really enjoyed as much as I should have done. I found it stressful to have so many people around, and to be the centre of attention.
One of my sisters organised games, such as a treasure hunt, with clues written on tiny pieces of paper. It seemed exciting, but I didn't like competing with others.
My mum made jelly, and served it in small margarine tubs that she'd kept and cleaned out. (We didn't have enough suitable bowls.) It was a very low-budget affair, but that never bothered me, and I'm glad for things like that which help me to remember.
Other children, especially Simon, wanted to play with my main present — a pedal-powered go-kart. I found it difficult to keep everyone happy, and felt like I didn't get to use it much myself.
Assemblies
I remember the deputy headteacher playing the piano in morning assemblies. One of the songs that sticks in my mind is Morning Has Broken. I used to try to mimic his style of playing on my reed organ at home.
I remember one child wetting themselves when we were all sitting cross-legged on the floor in the school hall. There was a lot of commotion, not to mention some unpleasant smells!
On another occasion, I felt like I was going to pass out during an assembly, because the headteacher decided to describe some sort of terrible medical condition — and I've always been rather squeamish.)
Looking Down
In addition to looking down at the playground, I used to spend a lot of time looking at the floor. Perhaps it was to avoid making eye contact with others.
During every half term break, the floor was polished. When we returned, it was like glass — and I almost imagined it would be good enough to eat! (I know that doesn't really make sense.) I used to notice how scuff marks gradually built up on the surface, making the lovely glass-like smooth finish a distant memory once more.
Chester Zoo Trip
There were a few school trips during primary school. I vaguely remember going to Chester Zoo.
I spent too much time worrying about getting lost, or the potential embarrassment of taking a wrong turning, when trying to find my way around the place. My solution was to follow other people, rather than lead. (That's something I still do today, in unfamiliar places.)
One amusing thing which sticks in my mind is the teacher trying to lead us away from the monkeys, because one of them was doing something rather rude!
On every school trip, there was a packed lunch. Mine always seemed to include an orange juice drink — and it always seemed to leak all over my bag! I couldn't stand having sticky, dirty hands. I couldn't wait to get to a sink, to wash it all off! But instead of telling a teacher or complaining, I kept quiet.
Homework Problems
On one occasion, my mum did some of my homework for me. I'm not sure why, but I think I might have had some sort of meltdown at home, because I didn't understand what they were asking.
The teacher wasn't fooled though — my mum's handwriting was very different to mine — and they wrote 'see me' on it.
I remember how awful I felt, being interrogated at the front of the class, standing next to her desk. Honesty has always been very important to me, and there I was, trying to avoid the truth.
Audio Equipment
Some of the lessons involved the teacher playing pre-recorded material to us, using an audio cassette recorder. At the time, it seemed very high-tech!
I remember there being an external amplifier box, with a fairly sizeable built-in speaker. There were volume, bass and treble controls, and the sound was deliciously crisp, clear and powerful. The speaker seemed much bigger than anything I'd seen before — it was probably about 10" in diameter, and covered by a metal grille. I wished I had one at home! (Some of today's Bluetooth speakers remind me of that school amplifier.)
As you might guess, too much of my time was spent gazing at the amplifier, instead of paying attention to what was being said.
(To this day, I've never managed to find an image of one online.)
Radio Shows
Once or twice every week, we were made to listen to BBC radio shows, on what was known as the VHF band in those days (later called FM).
A huge square-shaped speaker box would be brought in and connected up. After listening to small AM radios at home, with tinny quality and bad reception, I was astounded by how crisp and clear the sound was — despite the speaker looking like an antique!
I didn't have much of a grasp on what they were trying to teach us, but I remember there being some songs. One that sticks in my mind was called Water Come A Me Eye. I taught myself to play it by ear, on my reed organ at home.
Christmas Nativity
I remember the 1978 Christmas Nativity, where they used the song Mary's Boy Child by Boney M. There were coloured lights, and two large hi-fi speakers above the stage.
Inspired by the light and sound system at school, I remember trying to create my own miniature version of it at home. I put coloured plastic (from Quality Street sweets) over torch bulbs, and connected them to an old record player, to make them flash.
I also pestered my mum to buy some proper coloured light bulbs. My bedroom, which I shared with one of my sisters, ended up with a small collection of old table lamps, fitted with red, green, yellow or blue bulbs.
I even went so far as to write songs and plays at home, which I got my parents to take part in. (Soft toys were used as puppets.)
Carriage Ride
At school, a wooden carriage stage prop was used in one of the plays. The teacher told us to bring in a small amount of money — possibly 2p or 10p. In return, we could then have a ride in the carriage at break time. (It was pulled by the teacher.)
Looking back, it was meant to be fun. But I was terrified about having to get the teacher's attention to ask for the ride, and to hand the money over, which spoiled the experience.
School Disco
At home, I loved listening to music, and sometimes dancing by myself. During the school leavers' disco, I remember feelings of enjoyment mixed with anxiety.
Part of me wanted to behave like I did at home, but part of me was aware of how many people were watching.
Nobody wanted to dance with me, and I vaguely remember the embarrassment of dancing with one of the teachers.
Short Friendship
Towards the end of primary school, I had started to form some kind of friendship with a boy called Tony. But he moved away, ready to go to a different high school. I remember building up the courage to make a phone call to him, after he'd moved.
My voice was quite high-pitched back then, and the person who answered the phone shouted to him, 'Tony, there's a little girl on the phone for you!' I felt embarrassed, but continued with the call. I never phoned again though.
Kissing Game
There was an occasion during the last few weeks of school, when the teacher left the class unsupervised for some reason. I sat quietly at my desk, while the rest of the class ran around the room making lots of noise.
Suddenly, someone told me to get up and run, because one of the girls was playing a game, which seemed to involve trying to kiss the boys. Although it would be years before I had a girlfriend, I remember seeing that a good reason not to move!
Final Days
We moved house just before I finished primary school. I loved our old bungalow, and didn't want to move. I remember kissing my bedroom wall, when saying my final goodbye to the room.
Changing school and leaving the only place I'd called home at the same time was a lot to cope with. But my mum thought it would be easier for me, if I was closer to the new school.
I remember the teacher asking me about the new house, but I wasn't good at conversation, and it felt very awkward. The new house was near a main road, had noisy PVC gutters, and fence panels that rattled in the wind. I was very sensitive to such noises, so I had real trouble sleeping.
I was uneasy about the transition to high school, and there were lots of mixed emotions. I knew I would miss my old school, despite the many awkward feelings and situations I'd experienced there.
My mum bought a small mirror for me to give to my teacher on the last day. Unfortunately, when the teacher opened it in front of me, the mirror was broken.
She asked which shop it had been purchased from, with the intention of returning it herself. I felt very embarrassed, because I had no idea where my mum had bought it.
The End
Despite me writing so much, there is still a lot that I didn't manage to include — but I had to stop somewhere!
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Appendix: Music
Here is a selection of songs that remind me of my childhood in the 1970s.
I've probably missed out several important ones, but the list would have to be many times longer to include everything. If I think of any glaring omissions, I will add them though.
Last updated: 7 July 2021
The Supremes and the Four Tops — You Gotta Have Love In Your Heart
An uplifting song, with great vocal harmonies. Brings back memories of an Easter Sunday when I was very young.
This song was playing on my sister’s battery-powered record player on the living room floor, and I’m sure there was chocolate on the vinyl record!
Sylvia — Y'Viva Espania and Hasta La Vista
I loved hearing Y'Viva Espania so much on the radio, that my mum bought the single for me — so it was effectively my first record. I think I loved the B-side (Hasta La Vista) even more. Looking back, I wonder if the clear vocals made these songs easier to understand.
Tony Orlando & Dawn — Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree
As a very young child, I liked both the tune and the storytelling aspect of this song.
Elton John and Kiki Dee — Don't Go Breaking My Heart
This song was played on the radio several times each day, being at number 1 in the charts.
It was the hot summer of 1976, and I was on the swing in the back garden. From time to time, I would switch which direction I faced on the swing, either facing our bungalow or my school playing field.
It's sad looking back, when I realise we were using my gran's old Fidelity transistor radio, we only had it because she'd died earlier that year.
Freda Payne — Band of Gold
The soulful vocals really reached me, despite being so young. I remember my sister assuming I wouldn't know what the title referred to, and being surprised that I had some understanding of what the song meant.
Smokey Robinson — Tears of a Clown
I didn't really understand this song until years later, but I did like the tune, and played it a lot. My dad seemed to like this track, so it reminds me of him when I play it now.
Aretha Franklin — Don't Play That Song
One of my earliest exposures to Aretha's soulful vocals. Such a powerful performance, yet she made it seem so effortless and natural.
The Stylistics — Rockin' Roll Baby
I didn't realise it at the time, but the version I used to play was a cover version by unknown session musicians. But I love the feel of the song, and that it tells a little story.
Bachman-Turner Overdrive — You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet
Just a great and catchy song from the 70s.
Fleetwood Mac — Jigsaw Puzzle Blues
An instrumental piece with a very strong lead guitar sound, which seemed very different to other music I'd heard.
Norman Greenbaum — Spirit In The Sky / Milk Cow
Milk Cow was the B-side, and we seemed to play both tracks quite a lot. It reminds me of my parents.
Blue Mink — Our World
We seemed to play this a lot, so this is another one that reminds me of my parents. I remember the lyrics being about the environment.
Elton John — Crocodile Rock
I remember spending hours writing down the lyrics with my sister. Years later, I realised we'd got quite a few words wrong.
Hues Corporation — Rock The Boat
I'd been dragged along to watch a play in which my sister was performing, and had taken a tiny radio & earpiece with me. This song was one of my favourites from that time.
The Dooleys — Honey I'm Lost
This had me hooked from the start, and the backing vocals sealed the deal.
Mac & Katie Kissoon — Don't Do it Baby
I used to listen to a cover version on a cassette called Super Soul.
I actually prefer the cover version, because it's what I grew up listening to, but it was fairly similar to the original.
With lyrics about the possible end of a relationship, coupled with strong vocal harmonies, this song really reached me at an emotional level, despite my young age. I also liked the brief piano solos.
Racey — Some Girls
I remember this being in the charts, and being popular with children at school.
Boney M — Rivers of Babylon
This was a catchy track that I seemed to play a lot when experimenting with amplifiers and speakers.
Boney M — Mary's Boy Child/Oh My Lord
Hearing the intro makes me picture the speakers above the school stage, for the Nativity play.
Brotherhood Of Man — Save Your Kisses For Me
This takes me back to the school disco at the end of primary school. It also seemed to be popular with quite a few of the teachers.
Thin Lizzy — Waiting for an Alibi
Toto — Hold The Line
Roxy Music — Dance Away
Earth Wind and Fire — September
Earth Wind and Fire — Boogie Wonderland
The Real Thing — Can You Feel The Force
These all remind me of the period leading up to us moving house, and me transitioning to high school. They all bring back strong emotions.
Anita Ward — Ring My Bell
I cringe at the lyrics, but it reminds me of the start of a fairground ride in 1979. They kept advancing the position, to let more and more people get on. From time to time, we would stop next to a massive speaker which was blasting out this track.
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