Autism, ADHD and Gift Shopping

I can’t think of anything, until it’s nearly too late

Several gifts, wrapped in paper with ribbons. The front most item is red, with white ribbon.
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

When I tell people how much I dread shopping for birthday and Christmas gifts, they often think I’m miserable or stingy.

What they don’t understand, is just how difficult it is for me to decide what gifts to buy.

Sometimes, people will drop hints, which may be subtle, or not-so-subtle. And occasionally, those hints might be helpful.

The trouble is, I struggle to remember such things. Or even worse, I might get muddled up, and end up buying the very thing that someone said they dislike.
I can’t change the way my brain works. No matter how hard I try to remember, certain crucial information often seems to get lost, in a sea of confusion.
With a background in technology, the easiest things for me to buy are gadgets. But people don’t always need them, and they can be prohibitively expensive in some cases.

The Most Difficult Person

My fiancée is the most difficult person to buy for.

It’s not that she’s fussy or awkward, it’s just that she’s the person who normally helps me with gift shopping. And I can’t ask her to help shop for herself.

Often, my fiancée seems to like clothing, shoes, toiletries, perfume, and cosmetics. Some of those things are easier to deal with than others.

If it’s something to wear, there is the worry about sizing. Some things are a tighter fit, so a larger size might be needed. There’s also a myriad of styles and colours to consider.

For toiletries and perfumes, I often find myself in a shop, trying to remember whether she said she liked a certain fragrance, or actively disliked it.

The fact that we don’t live together adds another level of difficulty, because I can’t just go and take a look at what she currently has.

Technology to the Rescue

In recent years, I’ve tried to use technology to help me.

Throughout the year, I try to make notes on my phone, when my fiancée expresses an interest in something. Or if she mentions clothing sizes.

I also have spreadsheets for each gift event, and I never delete any of the old ones. That means I can go back and find out how long it is since I bought each item — and that helps me to decide if it’s too soon for a repeat.

Time Pressure

Each year, I try to start early, in an attempt to make it less stressful. But that doesn’t usually seem to help. There is inevitably a lot of overthinking, but very little progress.

When there are still a few weeks left, it’s as though my mind is blank — I simply can’t think of anything!
When there are just a few days left, and there’s a lot of pressure because time is running out, I always manage to think of something!
I believe it’s an ADHD thing, to perform well under pressure. I certainly experience it when it comes to gifts. It’s as though I suddenly come alive, and have a clearer mind. (I wish it stayed that way…)

If only I could believe in my ability to get something at the last minute, then I wouldn’t have to worry for all those weeks beforehand.

Very often, by leaving it until the last moment, I end up struggling to find a shop which stocks whatever gifts I’ve finally chosen.

Do you have any tips for gift shopping?

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Related Articles

Decision-Making Problems and Autism

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The author first published this article on Medium. It was added here on 3 January 2022.

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