Decision-Making Problems and Autism

One of the reasons why I take too long to make decisions

When faced with a big decision, I try to imagine all the possible outcomes, according to every possible choice that I could make. As you can imagine, that quickly becomes overwhelming.

A piece of paper with a line drawing representing a decision tree. At the end of each branch, there is a question mark. The branches are dark green, the question marks are orange.
Image drawn and photographed by the author.

Often, I will end up making no decision at all, almost in the hope that the problem will go away. That rarely works, and I sometimes end up making an impulsive choice, which I will frequently come to regret.

Several years ago, before I knew anything about autism, my decision-making difficulties were something that I was only vaguely aware of. I seemed to be quite good at researching all the options, and listing the pros and cons. But all too often, making the final decision would be nearly impossible, when there was no obvious answer.

Although I am good at listing pros and cons, I am starting to realise that I’m not so good at recognising how much importance to assign to each of them. Having a discussion with someone I trust can help massively, and counter my tendency to blow minor concerns out of proportion.

In the past, things were a little easier. At work, my boss would tend to make the final decision, after I had presented all the information. At home, my late wife would often do the same. In many cases, they would ask for my opinion, and go with that. It was almost like I knew what should be done, but wanted someone else to take — or at least share — responsibility for it.

These days, I believe that a significant proportion of the daily anxiety and stress that I experience is caused by feeling overwhelmed by having so many possible choices. I spend too much time worrying, and thinking about what might happen if I make the wrong choice. With all that going on in my mind, it does not take long before I feel exhausted.

It sounds like the solution is to ask for help, but that is not something that has ever been easy for me. If anything, the situation has become worse in recent years, by the fact that I have very few people who I can turn to for help and advice.

I wonder if writing about it might raise awareness, and help avoid some of the less helpful thought processes that cloud my mind?

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