Starting to Declutter

Emotional clutter takes me so long to deal with

Image created by the author.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have completely emptied my loft.

The prospect of a new roof being fitted gave me the motivation to do it, because I know how much mess it will cause up there.

At times, the sheer quantity of miscellaneous items felt overwhelming. After living in the same house for 27 years, it’s surprising how many things have been kept — ‘just in case’ they might be useful one day!

After doing most of the work myself, getting a little bit of help on one or two days made me feel very emotional.

One reason I felt emotional was the sense of relief — that I might actually manage to meet the deadline and get it cleared in time. Another reason was having help in making decisions, which stopped me from overthinking everything.

I made the decision to sell several items on eBay, partly to raise some money. Some of the things that went included audio equipment that I bought in 2012, when I was making music at home during my wife’s illness. After I lost her, with two growing boys to look after, I didn’t seem to have the time or space for that hobby anymore.

It was hard to let it go — almost like I was closing the door on some of my hopes and dreams, and losing part of my identity.

Another item to go was a Dragon 32 computer. Growing up in the 70s and 80s, I’ve always been interested in old technology. But that machine was one which I never owned at the time — my late wife bought it for me about 12 years ago. I never really did much with it during those years, which now feels like a missed opportunity. I suppose I often seem to ‘spread myself too thinly’ by having too many interests for the time available. I still feel a bit sad and guilty that I didn’t make much use of that old computer.

I’m far from finished with the decluttering — everything that hasn’t yet been sold is now scattered around the rest of the house, while I think about what to do with it all. It doesn’t help that the charity shops are closed due to the national lockdown, because of COVID-19. (I still have some of my wife’s coats and shoes, and it feels like it might now be time for at least some of them to go.)

If only I wasn’t so sentimental about everything! I can’t stop myself from taking photos of all the items that I’m getting rid of — it makes it easier in the short term, but all that ‘digital clutter’ will have to be dealt with eventually.

I have several other very old computers, including a Commodore 64 that my late parents bought for me in the 80s. At most, those old computers might get a couple of hours of use every few years, but they certainly bring back a lot of memories. I had hoped that my children would have been interested, but they simply aren’t.

In the past, I could never have imagined parting with any of my vintage computers. But now, especially after letting go of the Dragon, I find myself thinking about the mental clarity that decluttering brings. And I wonder:

Could I let go of them all?

Or would I end up regretting it?

(Or perhaps I should just keep one or two…?)

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