Autistic Widower

Dials vs screens, and safety laws that don’t always make sense Photo by Omar Al-Ghosson on Unsplash Mobile Phones and Driving I don’t use my mobile phone while I’m driving. In a moving vehicle, it simply isn’t safe to look away from the road for more than a fraction of a second. The law seems to agree with that. In the UK, things are getting even stricter, with new rules being introduced in 2022. So why do so many new cars place more and more controls on touchscreens? Old vs New Controls Take the heater controls as an example. In my old car, there are simple rotary knobs to control temperature, fan speed and direction. I don’t need to take my eyes off the road to make adjustments — I can feel what position the controls are in. But with many modern cars, you have to select from a number of menu options on a touchscreen, before you can make an adjustment. And you have to look at the screen while you’re doing that, because your hands can’t ‘feel’ the current settings on the glass screen....

Light-hearted thoughts about the way people use technology Photo by Possessed Photography on Unsplash Selective About Technology People often expect me to have all the latest gadgets. However, that’s not usually the case. It’s an assumption they make because I worked for 26 years designing electronic circuits and writing software. But I didn’t even get a smartphone until the iPhone had been out for six years. And I don’t have any of those voice-controlled cylinders in my home (the ones made by Google, Amazon and Apple). The main reason is that I don’t want to waste money on things that might not have much lasting value. My Big Home Automation Plans Years ago, when I was redecorating, I ran network cables all over my house. Come to think of it, that was 15–20 years ago, and I’ve not redecorated since! As is often the case, I got carried away: I ran additional cables, to support my future plans for sensing the temperature in every room, as well as remotely controlling windows and radiat...

Light bulbs, Meccano, people I loved, and an unusual sandwich Christmas memories: My parents' old bulbs, now used as tree decorations. Also: The instructions from the Meccano set my parents bought me in 1978. Photo taken by the author. Childhood When I was growing up in the 1970s, Christmas was an exciting time for me. I loved putting up decorations with my mum, and making paper chains. I also loved all the music and lights. Perhaps my fascination with light bulbs came from gazing at the bulbs on our small tree. For many years, our Christmas tree was a very old artificial one, which mostly resembled tinsel. I loved the large bulbs, and referred to the red and white ones as ‘The Father Christmas bulbs’. The yellow and orange ones reminded me of pigs, so I referred to them as ‘The Pig Bulbs’. Back then, I didn’t have any major responsibilities. I didn’t even have to worry about choosing gifts for people — my parents did so much for me. I miss them all year round, but perhaps even mor...

After several years of living separately from my parner, here are some of my thoughts Photo by Taneli Lahtinen on Unsplash Not everyone has heard of a Living Apart Together (LAT) relationship. I think of it rather like being married, but where each person lives independently in their own home. The couple may live close to each other, or a considerable distance away — the distance doesn’t matter very much. Typically, one of them will spend a certain number of nights every month staying over at the other one’s house. (It’s not to be confused with other situations, such as when partners live apart during the week for work reasons, but still have their main home together.) I’ve been in a LAT relationship for several years now. The way I feel about it varies. There are times when it seems to work quite well, and there are times when I wish things were different. Ultimately, it wouldn’t have been my preferred choice, but until our children are older, it appears to be the only option at the ...

My roofer turned out to be a thug — this is what I wish I could say The old lead from my bay window. (Photo taken by the author.) I know that you’ll never read this letter, but I had to write it. Your name was mentioned in a Facebook post, when my fiancée was trying to find a good roofer for me. Someone recommended you, and said, “He won’t rip you off.” How wrong they were! And how foolish was I? That particular recommendation came from your sister, not a previous customer! I noticed some problems right from the start. At the end of the first day, I went up into the loft, only to see rips and holes in the underlay. You insisted that they’d have been spotted and rectified, even if I’d not said anything. I continued to trust you. I provided outdoor drinks facilities for you and your team. And what thanks did I get? One of you urinated against the wall of my house, behind the gates, where they thought nobody would notice. After you’d finished the work, you were desperate for an immediate ...

A little bit more about me Today I’m a widowed parent who lives alone in Northern England with my two children. (I’m also engaged — it’s a long story.) I write on Medium and Blogspot as often as I can. I like sharing my life story with anyone who will listen. And maybe, just maybe, I might make enough money to get by. Broadhaven, Wales — my last family holiday with my late wife in 2011. Photo taken by the author. My Wife and Children I was in my twenties before I had my first relationship . But it was worth the wait — we were just right for each other. My wife’s love and friendship made such a difference to my life. She was also my best friend. In 2010, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, which was truly devastating. She died three years later, at just 45 years old. Life without her has been very hard. I’m so glad we had children together, but it’s also heartbreaking that they lost their mum when they were just 7 and 8. Work After leaving college at the age of 18, I spent 26 years d...

I replaced the drive belt on a very old Pfaff 30 The Pfaff 30, with its broken belt and the new one. My mum used to do quite a lot of sewing, as did my late wife. But I’m not particularly skilled when it comes to needlecraft. Still, I like to keep my mum’s old machine around. There are a lot of memories associated with it, and I’ve used it occasionally to do basic repairs to things like curtains. When I was a child, I would play with the machine quite a lot. I would sew pieces of fabric together, or even pieces of paper. I would also use the machine without any thread, to perforate the paper of my pretend bus or theatre tickets. (I don’t know why I didn’t mention it when I wrote about my primary school years. But it does get a very brief mention in the long article about my high school years.) * * * * * Recently, I needed to do a bit of sewing. That’s when I remembered I never got around to replacing the drive belt. So I had to turn the machine by hand! The reason I’d not go...

I can’t think of anything, until it’s nearly too late Photo by freestocks on Unsplash When I tell people how much I dread shopping for birthday and Christmas gifts, they often think I’m miserable or stingy. What they don’t understand, is just how difficult it is for me to decide what gifts to buy. Sometimes, people will drop hints, which may be subtle, or not-so-subtle. And occasionally, those hints might be helpful. The trouble is, I struggle to remember such things. Or even worse, I might get muddled up, and end up buying the very thing that someone said they dislike. I can’t change the way my brain works. No matter how hard I try to remember, certain crucial information often seems to get lost, in a sea of confusion. With a background in technology, the easiest things for me to buy are gadgets. But people don’t always need them, and they can be prohibitively expensive in some cases. The Most Difficult Person My fiancée is the most difficult person to buy for. It’s not that she’s f...

 15 Months on Medium Photo by Nick Morrison on Unsplash Why I Started Writing On Medium I opened an account on Medium in September 2020, after searching for a better place to post my longer articles. With a clean appearance and no adverts, there was a lot to like. I didn’t know what to expect and planned to let things develop naturally. Instead of automatically following people back, I would check out their work, and only follow them if I wanted to. I was selective. After all, if everyone followed everyone, it would seem a bit pointless; the act of following would no longer indicate genuine interest. Initially, I republished about nine articles that I’d previously posted on my Facebook page, or here on my Blogspot site. Then, I added one or two new articles every month, with a few gaps here and there. The Partner Program In the past, anyone could choose to become a member of the Medium Partner Program, which pays the author according to how many people read their work. There didn’...

Technology, opinions, productivity, entertainment, and more Photo created by the author. I listen to a lot of podcasts these days. It all started about six or seven years ago, when I searched for one about iOS development, and got hooked on More than Just Code. Although some of them are no longer active, I’ve still listed them, because the past episodes are still available. In some cases, such as Hypercritical, I went back and listened to the entire run of the show. Topics include: Apple, technology, and programming Opinions, and personal stories Lifestyle, productivity, and getting organised Entertainment, TV, and movies * * * * * Contents Accidental Tech Podcast Upgrade The Talk Show With John Gruber Robot or Not? Reconcilable Differences Back to Work Roderick on the Line Under the Radar Analog(ue) Thoughts on Functional Programming More than Just Code The Minimalists Hypercritical 20 Macs for 2020 The Run Loop Download Neutral Details In this section, in addi...

Career changes, and a loss of identity Photo taken by the author. Nine years ago, I gave up my full-time job to look after my wife and children. Before that, I’d worked for twenty-six years, doing electronic design and software development. (Mostly embedded systems for packaging machinery and printers.) When meeting new people, they often like to ask: “What do you do?” For most of my life, the answer was always simple — I would say that I’m an electronics engineer. Or a software developer. But during the eight years since my wife died, I feel like I can’t say that anymore. I’ve lost my identity. Sometimes, I’ve embraced being a stay-at-home dad. At other times, I’ve referred to myself in terms of whatever I was working on in my spare time. Failed Projects Since 2012, I’ve worked on a number of different projects at home. But none of them were successful. Perhaps undiagnosed ADHD was a factor. Here are the main projects: I wrote some songs, and published them online. I put my music on R...